#TruthBooking: This weekend at a family meal, I spoke up in a response to a topic of conversation based on my viewpoint and what I believe. I did so casually, respectfully and with kindness. My family, who I love deeply but with whom I share vastly different opinions of current events, reacted how I imagined they would: An eye roll, a disappointed set jaw with a shaking head. The loved one next to me actually shifted their body away from me and stayed that way for some time. I'm not even sure they realized what their bodies were saying to me.
It's hard isn't it? Navigating these relational waters in a time when defenses are up. I don't fault my family. I love them and they love me. I have listened to their viewpoints over the years and have some grasp of how they were informed, the stories that have shaped them. It's interesting because historically I would not have stirred the pot for risk of being ganged up on, making someone angry, being a disappointment, or creating more trouble for myself. An old 12-step sponsor once cautioned me, "Don't dial the number for pain." But these days I've grown more comfortable in my own skin, I stand in my story, and I feel at ease when I am using my voice. I decided it was okay for me to take up space in our casual family lunch discourse, and I reminded myself that my family's reactions are neither my responsibility, my fault, nor are they a commentary on my worth. Some of us might benefit from reading that last bit again.
I've seen several posts this week about not allowing family you disagree with to have a seat at your table this Thanksgiving. Hear me clearly: If your aunt is toxic and abusive, your brother spews racial slurs in between passing the salt and the sweet potatoes, or your father-in-law is an outright homophobe who keeps trying to pray your gay away, by all means set clear boundaries and limit or deny access. You don't need permission to create safety for yourself. But the truth is most of us live in the messy middle where it's not so cut and dried. And every single one of us has a story. And every single one of us, even the most hurtful and hurting among us, deserves to feel seen and safe.
Do we need policy changes? Absolutely. Do we need to replace some elected officials? Without question. But we can change all the policies and in the end we will still be a people in crisis. We must find a way to rehumanizing one another. We must find our way to the table, a table where there is a seat for every single one of us. I believe we do that through empathy.
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The first official single from my new record drops this week. I am so grateful to American Songwriter Magazine for this wonderful article and giving the song I wrote with Daniel Walker, Salt, a place to premiere. If you are among the generous friends who want to help spread the music and message here, I'd be so grateful if you'd share this with your friends.
Have a Happy, Healthy, Thanksgiving, friends. In case no one has told you today, you are loved, and your life has tremendous value.
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