#TruthBooking: I am weary. Are you? The past year I chose to be more productive than perhaps I've ever been. I went in eyes wide open, accepting the challenge. Admittedly, I have felt the edges of my capacity and tested them, at times my bandwidth has proven maxed out.
When I took on the work of creating this new record- the first since I met motherhood- I committed to make excellent art and give it everything I had to offer creatively while maintaining my connected presence as a mother. That last bit is the real kicker for me. If you had asked me at the inception of this project two years ago where I was going to find the time or energy, my answer would have been the always reassuring and confident shoulder shrug. I didn't know where the resources would come from, but I knew they would come.
As a working mom, family time is at a premium. In expanding back out into the world of my music career, I was asking a lot, not just of myself but of my family, too. One of the values I brought along with me into this season is enough-ness. It's pretty new territory for me, enough-ness. How about you? I decided that there was enough of me. I could be a mom who showed up for my family and a woman who showed up for myself and this dream I was meant to do in the world. There was enough of me to go around. Whereas the kids were tasked with adjusting to some increased travel for mama, we found new ways to stay connected. David and I implemented date night. I approached my time with the kids with renewed intentionality. I. Asked. For. Help. I delegated where I could. Did we do this perfectly? Oh please, of course not. I let the record take as long as it needed to take. I became fairly vigilant about where I put my yes, since it would undoubtedly be my family who lost time with me. I did not execute this well at every turn. But I'd give myself a solid B+, and I can live with that. (This is incredible progress. Yay therapy!)
A friend recently criticized me for not slowing down more. She loves me, I listened and heard her. Over the Christmas holiday, I hibernated a bit. I put my phone down and mostly forgot where it was. We baked and snuggled and read books and maximized our time spent in pjs. It was by far the best gift I received.
For me, the familiar 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5.. of New Year's Eve felt more like a launch countdown than the annual ball dropping. Now that the calendar has turned, it's all systems go in my world. This dream record we started producing in March 2018 is ready to find its wings. On Saturday, January 25th we will celebrate at the Tower with the biggest show I have ever produced. I cried this weekend rehearsing songs, just from the sheer thrill of bringing this show live to you. On Friday the 7th of February, the record will be available worldwide. On the wings of that I have so much more in store that I cannot wait to share with you all.
And I am weary, oh yes I am. But I am here for it.
In case no one has told you today, you are enough. You are loved. You are worth it. ❤️